CONFESSIONS OF A BAR FLUNKER

It has been told a million times over that once a law student graduates from law school, the student already earned the letters "ATTY". One letter earned after completing one year in Law School; the one missing is that elusive "dot" or "." to complete the shortened title of Attorney.

I graduated from Law School last May 2017.

I took the Bar last November of 2017.

The Bar Results were released April 26, 2018.

More than 6,000 bar examinees were hopeful to catch that elusive "dot"; it was revealed in the morning that only 25.55% passed the bar exams.

The list of the Top 20 were initially released.

At around 1:00 pm, the official list were posted and were flashed before a big LED board in the Supreme Court Compound.

As the names started to flash starting with those family names starting with A; you could hear the shouts and cheers of those well-wishers and actual bar examinees who successfully passed the exam. For every scream and shouts heard, media members will automatically surround and crowd the bar passer; for sure they will become viral and be shown in National TV later that day (2 of blocmates became viral that day)

So the list goes on, slowly but surely, the Family Names starting with P,R,S,T started to flash; my heart started to pound because of nervousness, anxiety and excitement all at once.

U, V, W, X...

Then all the passers with Family Names starting Y and Z were flashed.

Ydia, Ronald Allan De Guzman was not in the list.

I failed.

I was not part of the 1,728 or 25.55% who passed the so-called #BersaminBattle.

I was not able to get that elusive "dot".

If I probably had the superpowers of Doctor Strange, I would've magically inserted my name in the list but I can't do it, I am neither a member of an Avengers nor am I a ridiculously-good looking Marvel Character.

I was obviously disappointed with the result but I prayed earlier that day that aside from passing the Bar, I would like God to give me the strength the accept the result if it turned out to be negative. My fiance and I went to 4 churches (Edsa Shrine, Sto. Domingo, Quiapo Church and St. Jude) before going to the Supreme Court; When we were at the Sto. Domingo Church, I felt that my mind and my heart is at ease that whatever the result maybe, I would accept it.

After learning that I failed the Bar, I immediately texted my Mom. I also informed my Boss, my officemates and other well-wishers who messaged me during the morning and those who were with me during my Bar Exam Journey.

I didn't shed a single tear when I was at the SC compound but my fiance was crying the whole time, offering me words of encouragement which I am extremely grateful for; I congratulated my law school friends and blocmates who made it and afterwards, my fiance and I left to go to Baclaran Church as planned; we planned when we were in Quiapo Church, that whatever the result maybe, we will go to Baclaran Church to pray.

While riding the LRT going to the Baclaran Church, my mother was calling me via FB messenger but I let Grace answered the phone for me because I was not ready to talk to my mom that time, I was ashamed because I felt that I didn't made my mother proud.

But due to the insistence of Grace, I talked to my mom and I heard the voice of my mom with a cheerful tone, she said that it is ok because I can still retake the Bar Exams this coming November and I that I must not give up.

Right then and there, It finally sink-in and I felt a sudden rush of emotions as I was trying to fight back my tears; it didn't help that my family kept giving me messages of support saying that in their eyes, I am already a lawyer;

I kept my composure throughout that LRT ride until we reached Baclaran Church; I prayed to the Lord that I Trust His Plan and that I am still thankful because despite failing the Bar Exams, He still continuously shower us with His Blessings and that I am lucky that I have a loving and supportive family who always have my back.

Later that night, when I was about to take a shower before going to sleep, that was when tears were uncontrollably fell through my face. Thankfully I was not bawling like a kid throwing a tantrum.

If this happened to me when I was a lot younger, I would have doubted the authenticity of the results because I know that I have poured my blood,sweat and tears to prepare for the Bar Exams. I would have laughed at those who passed because back in Law School, I know I was better than them. In short, I will be sour-graping.

Thank God, it was not that case.

I congratulated my friends who passed via FB Messenger and Viber; some in an attempt to probably console me and make me feel better, told me that I was better than half of those who passed the exams and that they were just lucky to pass the exams; I simply replied, "It is not just my time and that this is their time to fulfill their dreams of becoming a lawyer".

For full disclosure, I only felt a tinge of envy when my friends posted their pictures during the oath-taking ceremonies as well as the roll-signing; I wished I was also took the oath at the PICC and signed at the Lawyers Roll.

But for now, I have to lick my wounds and dust-off the negativity because I will try again to take the Bar Exams this 2018.

Hopefully this time, I would be able to get that elusive "dot"